Transience

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.  

-James 4:14

Of Whale Fossils and Proton Pumps...

It was mildy amusing how a church membership class titled "God the Father" turned into something more along the lines of "Apologetics 101" or "Introduction to Evolution and Biochemistry". Nonetheless it was heartening to listen to a Godly man, with many years of experience as a doctor and scientist, share about the conviction of his faith.

As he spoke one could sense that this was someone who has truly lived through the Christian life. Someone who has tried his best to answer life's questions while holding fast to his faith. His lesson was full of wisdom and experience. His answers to questions carefully weighed and honest. Never once did he pretend that God's existence could be proven.

Afterall, all proofs lead to propositions that themselves have no proof. Ultimately all things are known because we want to believe in them. Or maybe because we need to...

Cockhorse

Than, when I see boys ride a-cockhorse,
I find it in my heart to embarrass them
By hinting that their stick`s a mock horse,
And they really carry what they say carries them.

- Robert Browning, Christmas Eve

Sometimes I find it hard to surrender and just rely on God. I guess submission to higher authority has never been my strong suit. However if I don't even have the faith to rely on God then what does my Christianity become? Is it a toy just like one of those cockhorses in the poem that I choose to amuse myself with?

It seems rather silly though. Why struggle to bear up your own Christianity when you can let it carry you?

Because its bloody difficult.

So much to work on...

All nature is but art unknown to thee,
All chance, direction which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good;
And, spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, Whatever is, is right.

- Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

Army English

It is a well known fact that in the army standards of English are low to say the least, perhaps due to low educational qualifications or just plain lack of effort. It is hard (though not impossible) to find a superior capable of delivering instructions in what would be deemed acceptable English. This used to irritate me slightly, but after 2 years the wide array of broken English in the form of bad grammar and spelling errors has begun to amuse me somewhat.

Recently a friend of mine received an award for "Soldier of the Month". The write up of his accomplishments on the official plaque he received was erm... interesting?

"CPL Y is an exemplary pioneer who displays a strong sense of commitment to the work he undertakes within the platoon during field pack inspections bearings and the maintenance of stores because of the fine work he produces."

"he has also displayed sense of belonging to his work."

For an organisation that claims to strive for excellence and efficiency, this sort of language is kind of a joke. But also when I pointed out to my friend that the first statement did not make sense since it says that all his fieldpack inspections and bearing are BECAUSE of his fine work (sort of a meaningless tautology), he made the following response on facebook...

 "trust me, it does make sense, just not somehow it doesn't get the msg across. LOL."

Well obviously he made some typos as well, but my point is that he did not really notice the error and (I'm guessing) imposed his own meaning onto the sentence. Probably something along the lines of: "CPL Y is an exemplary pioneer who displays fine work, showing a strong sense of commitment during field pack inspections etc..."

One can hardly blame him though. Even while noticing the structural error of the sentence I (and obviously most people) was able to discern the actual meaning that was being conveyed. Despite all the bad English dished out by superiors, it is hard to deny that most of us are still able to grasp what they are trying to tell us.

Language is supposed to be a tool for conveying our thoughts and ideas. So when we use language to communicate, how much meaning is actually embedded in the words we use?  Hermann Hesse in Siddhartha touched on this slightly I think:

"Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish."

It would seem that it is possible for meaning to be independent of the words we use. Maybe language is just a vehicle with meaning as a passenger. Yet if so, I really wonder what thoughts were truly in Hermann Hesse's mind before he chose to "distort" them in the form of the words above...

Anticipation

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best—" and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.   - A. A. Milne


Its surprising how much wisdom can be found in children's books. These books shaped our view of the world when we were young, but not much gets retained after that. Milne was right of course. The moment just before the long anticipated event always trumps the actual event. "Before" you are able to see the culmination of all your waiting and efforts, knowing that it will come to fruitation. "After" is well... only after.

I have come to the conclusion that the feeling during this period before freedom is better than the feeling I will have after. Now I can see the 2 long years of waiting finally closing. I can see the end only now. But after, it will be behind me. After ord there will be new questions to answer, new problems to face. I look forward to it. Yet at the same time I dread it.

I watched the disney cartoon Tangled recently. Perhaps the most poignant moment in the show was when Rapunzel and the thief guy whose name I cant remember were on the boat waiting for the sky to light up with lanterns:

"I've been looking out a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what it might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything that I dreamed it would be?"

I have been waiting for ord since I enlisted in 13 April 2009. I know it won't be everything I hoped for once it has happened. I have always known. Yet I had to believe it would be. Believing kept me going through these 2 years.

24 days to ord...

Sin

Susanna Wesley, the mother of John Wesley, in a letter to our dear founder of Methodism once defined sin thus:

"Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."

Sin seems so all-encompassing. It is no wonder that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). One cannot hope to overcome it alone.

I think I need to fully grasp the concept of Grace. Without it there is no hope.

Consistency and Thought

A friend of mine whom I hold to be rather wise recently posted this on facebook: "it may be much easier and just as fulfilling to live without being necessarily intellectually consistent."

One cannot help but see her point. There afterall does not seem to be any correlation between intellectual consistency and fulfillment or happiness in life. However, I think at the heart of the matter lies the question of whether consistency of thought and coherence in life are important or even possible. I cannot claim any expertise in this area, but I do have some thoughts.

Is it possible to be perfectly intellectually consistent? I highly doubt it. When determining the consistency of certain propositions we employ logic and reason, and they are rather reliable tools. Yet Chesterton was right I think when he said: "It is idle to talk always of the alternative of reason and faith. Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." When we take a step back, we should ask ourselves why reasoning should be accurate? Why should employing good logic yield better results than bad logic? Or why should reality be consistent?

After all as Chesterton pointed out, reason has its limits. Using reasoning, we are only able to determine whether certain bodies of knowledge are logically consistent. Yet ultimately one must make the extrapolation between something being consistent and something being TRUTH. If consistency has no bearing on truth and reality then perhaps consistency might not be neccessary, or might not even exist at all. If one cannot make the link between consistency and truth then how can one be perfectly consistent? Afterall if truth is not consistent then one could almost say that consistency is inconsistent with reality?

I do not pretend to have an answer to this. Yet I do not believe it is possible to live with complete inconsistency. When we exert something like "Nothing is consistent with reality", we must ask ourselves if the statement we made is actually consistent with reality or not. If it is not, then somethings have to be consistent with reality. If it is consistent with reality , then well it becomes self contradictory and invalid. Thus even though the existence of consistency in reality cannot be proven, it does seem to be undeniable as well.

I do not think it is neccessary or even possible to be absolutely intellectually consistent or to even perfectly understand what that means. However, I think every time we assert some view or thought we implicitly acknowledge that some form of consistency must exist. It might not be possible to answer this completely but I think we do live out some form of that answer everyday whether we like it or not. Perhaps thats enough.

In the end no matter how we reason about all this there are certain things we must just accept by faith as absolute truths. Wthout these we lose any right to assert our views at all.

"If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To 'see through' all things is the same as not to see." - C. S. Lewis in Abolition of Man

New Year

This New Year seemed to me somewhat more "New" than the previous one. Last year I looked ahead and saw a full year spent within the clutches of hell. This year I suppose it helps that freedom is close at hand. Furthermore this year will really be a year of new beginnings, not only because of ord but also because of the start of university.

However, one cannot help but feel uncertain. I will be free from army soon, but sometimes I feel the damage that has been done is permanent. Two years that have been wasted will never be returned. I worked hard for my place in KCL and given the circumstances it was truly a blessing that I even managed to secure a place. Yet army has made me weary. Somehow the prospect of spending 5 whole years studying medicine and graduating only at 26-27 seems more depressing after wasting 2 years in army. 2 years wasting my life away when people in NUS Med were already pursuing their education. And well, the real hard work only begins after Med school. Sometimes I wonder whether it really is worth all that time, effort and LOTS OF MONEY just for some very very idealistic aspirations. Furthermore 5 years away from home is a long time. To start working and being self sufficient at 27 is really really old.

I know that in the end I will still probably go ahead with it. Its been my dream for a long time and still is even after considering the cons. I am however certain that I will need God's strength and guidance to get me through this. So I guess New Year's Resolutions:

1) Learn to depend more on God and have a closer walk with him.
2) Survive the rest of NS.
3) Spend the 6 months break before university meaningfully.
4) Drivers license -.-
5) Remember how to study so I dont fail my first Sem in King's.
6) Develop a zest for life?


The verse on the front page of the Wesley Methodist Watch Night Service programme was from Psalm 31:15: "My times are in your hand". Reminds me of the old Robert Browning poem where ACS got its motto from...

"Our times are in his hand

Who saith, ``A whole I planned, "

And just to complete the nostalgia, I might as well include the poem at the front of the school magazine. Rather apt I think, for ushering in the New Year.

At the Gate of the Year
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'

And he replied,
'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'

So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.

So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth his intention.

by Minnie Louise Haskins
                                 

"What need our human life to know if God hath comprehension?" This is something that I wish I understood better...

New Blog

oooooo new blog... no idea how to start...

Well this blog was set up for a number of reasons.

Firstly, in school I was forced to write a lot against my will. Now after spending 2 years in an environment devoid of any intellectual or civilised form of discourse (and perhaps also due to some perverse Pavlovian conditioning), I miss it.

Secondly, due to earlier said environment my language faculties have corroded somewhat and need to be repaired. Well practise makes perfect right?

Thirdly, since I will soon be gaining back my freedom I can foresee that I shall have a considerable amount of free time to burn anyway.

Lastly, I guess it might be good to have a place to store random musings and thoughts somewhere other than in my head.

One might say that these reasons are rather self indulgent. And that would be right. But thats what blogging is for right?